One evening a couple weeks ago I woke up from a nap and groggily checked my phone, then my email. Sitting in my inbox was a message from Daniel Jones, editor of the Modern Love column at The New York Times. Even if you haven't heard his name, it's likely you've read, or perhaps even... Continue Reading →
I realized, "Why the hell am I trying to do squats with a piece of driftwood on my back when I can't even go grocery shopping?"
I eventually snap out of it and remember: Oh hey, there's another person here, someone helping me and we're supposed to be working together. But I don't want to work together, not on things I've done alone my entire life ...
I can't remember the last time I saw Kaylie. We went to school together, so it was probably some time after we graduated from high school in 2007. Consequently, our class recently had its 10-year reunion. I couldn't go because I have Lyme disease and ME/CFS, which makes it impossible for me to get around... Continue Reading →
I am always looking to compare treatments with fellow chronic illness sufferers. Unfortunately we have to be our own lab rats because so much is unknown about our illnesses. Below is a list of some of the medications I've tried over the years. I was thinking about adding supplements, but I'd need an entire blog... Continue Reading →
I knew early on in my illness that it could last a long time -- years, maybe decades. I hoped it wouldn't, of course, but as I often do, I feared the worst. So, when faced with the daunting thought of being indefinitely sick, I made a deal with myself: If I didn't get better... Continue Reading →
... going a full day without sleep on top of having a chronic illness that already makes me feel drunk and exhausted is quite a struggle, or if we're talking about the drunken/hungover equivalent, then, well, it's quite the party. And by party I mean the BDSM kind with floggers, chains, and whips, which despite my jokes, I do not enjoy.
The entire time I've been sick I've wanted to be that person -- the person who brings tears of joy to dry eyes, the person who makes people believe in happy endings and the body's astonishing ability to heal itself. I wanted to be that person so bad, perhaps even more than I wanted to merely do things that healthy people do. And to a certain extent I have become that person, or rather, I was that person and now I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. What happens when you are known for battling illness, then stop recovering?