The Academy Awards are this weekend and I recently discovered that Stephen Bannon, Donald Trump’s Chief Strategist, was a failed movie producer. I doubt he ever had dreams of winning an Oscar, but you never know. He produced a couple awful films, including one with Sean Penn, and even tried to make a rap musical (I guess he’s always wanted to be Lin-Manuel Miranda) before he found his true calling making propagandized documentaries for uber-conservatives.
So in honor of The Oscars this weekend (which ironically, I can’t watch), I have been thinking of movies that Bannon would produce, either as sequels or remakes of original films. And of course, Donald Trump would also produce them because he too is a Hollywood producer and the two are obviously in cahoots.
I should also mention: this is a list I originally submitted to McSweeney’s humor section, but they didn’t go for it. So it’s their loss.
But please, I don’t want you to think you’re getting rejected and discarded content here. Well, actually, that is exactly what you’re getting, but it’s really good rejected and discarded content, I promise!
13 Movie Sequels Produced by Donald Trump and Stephen Bannon
1. A Clockwork Orange Tan
2. Small Hand Luke
3. Liar Liar Liar
4. From Russia With Hooker Piss
5. The Bigly Lebowski
6. Weekend at Bernie Sanders’ Socialist Surf Shack
7. Scent of a Nasty Woman
8. Pride and Lots of Prejudice
9. Look Who’s Coming to Dinner at The White House
10. Trumpy Old Men
11. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Toupee
12. Thelma and Louise: Nasty Women
13. Rebel Without a Cause: Sad!
*Please subscribe for more posts. And check out my latest essay published by Bustle.