Humor: Things to Avoid Doing in The Doctor’s Waiting Room

Many people spend a lot of time in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, so hopefully these tips will give you some guidance for what not to do if you find yourself in such a situation.

• Push all the chairs together and lie across the arm rests in an attempt to get comfortable: It’s not comfortable!
• Take your shoes and socks off: The smell of your foot odor and sight of your bunions will not prompt the receptionist to expedite your appointment time.
• Fart: Again, the receptionist has no control over the doctor’s pace, gassing him/her out of the office will only make you feel lonely.
• Use the extensive magazine collection on the coffee table to make a collage: First, the receptionist will wonder where you got the scissors, glue, and poster board. Second, they are communal magazines, don’t ruin them for everyone, no matter what sort of revenge you seek against the doctor for making you sit for an hour in the waiting room. This is especially true if you wish to make the collage a ransom note using mix-matched letters cut out from the magazines. Doctors don’t like ransom notes or their magazines destroyed. They will call the police.
• Prank call the receptionist: She/he will hear you on the phone in the waiting room.
• Watch nurse-doctor fantasy porn on your smartphone: Inappropriate!
• Wear a shirt that says “Hey-ho The Medical Establishment Must Go!”
• Compare your car to the doctor’s or the well-dressed pharmaceutical rep’s: They make WAY more money than you, don’t make yourself feel inadequate.
• Ask if the doctor does pro bono appointments: Your doctor doesn’t work for free, he/she has $250,000 in student loans and a $1,000 a month Lexus payment to worry about.
• Ask to use the bathroom so you can sneak into the doctor’s office and see if she/he is actually seeing another patient: You will be kicked out and the time you spent waiting will be wasted.
• Use the crayons and paper set out for children to sketch a scene of a screaming child getting poked with a syringe featuring the caption: “Vaccinations are Evil!”: The other people in the waiting room may find it disturbing that you are drawing a child in distress, even if they agree that vaccinations are evil.

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