I knew early on in my illness that it could last a long time -- years, maybe decades. I hoped it wouldn't, of course, but as I often do, I feared the worst. So, when faced with the daunting thought of being indefinitely sick, I made a deal with myself: If I didn't get better... Continue Reading →
... going a full day without sleep on top of having a chronic illness that already makes me feel drunk and exhausted is quite a struggle, or if we're talking about the drunken/hungover equivalent, then, well, it's quite the party. And by party I mean the BDSM kind with floggers, chains, and whips, which despite my jokes, I do not enjoy.
The entire time I've been sick I've wanted to be that person -- the person who brings tears of joy to dry eyes, the person who makes people believe in happy endings and the body's astonishing ability to heal itself. I wanted to be that person so bad, perhaps even more than I wanted to merely do things that healthy people do. And to a certain extent I have become that person, or rather, I was that person and now I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. What happens when you are known for battling illness, then stop recovering?
Since many people are spending time with family members today (Thanksgiving -- US), some of whom you may disagree, I thought it would be good to write a post about every detail of my current and past political views. Just joking. I'm sure you are tired of reading about all the clashes between liberals and... Continue Reading →
Do you know that song The Sound of Silence? I’m sure you do, maybe it’s even your favorite song. I’ll be honest, though, I’m not much of a Simon & Garfunkel fan. Somehow, however, the song has been stuck in my head lately, probably because the lyrics are so relevant to my current situation, albeit... Continue Reading →
One of the most memorable events in Serena’s life after she entered adulthood began by sliding down a set of stairs on a mattress. Children do this for fun, sure, but Serena was 18 — an adult — and by no means was she having fun. She was trying to see a doctor.
She is short and slender, yet I have seen both large men and imposing women crumble under her tenacity.
The truth is I don’t want to remember that feeling because I know the only way I can truly remember it is if I become that sick again.
A version of this essay was first published by Men’s Journal in 2016. After kissing me for a few minutes, Laura, my ex-girlfriend, pulls her top down and lets me feel and kiss her breasts. I am so excited and nervous I almost enter an apoplectic state. It is a moment of rapid heartbeats and... Continue Reading →