When chronic illness becomes a new kind of normal, it also becomes a cruel existence, one in which pain is a constant torture and exhaustion is as frequent as breathing.
I could see all kinds of things that I had missed when I was stuck in my bed. I could feel the breeze swirling around me; I could see hummingbirds buzzing around a tree branch above the roof. I didn't realize it until later, but it was the first time I had been outside in two years.
It seemed like something that could easily sound inauthentic or fake, the thought of which made me cringe, but in the end he not only did justice to my writing, he managed to accurately convey the struggle of me trying to speak.
Naming the disease after a scientist, or doctor, or even a damn town (as was done for Lyme disease) would be better than calling it chronic fatigue syndrome.
I eventually snap out of it and remember: Oh hey, there's another person here, someone helping me and we're supposed to be working together. But I don't want to work together, not on things I've done alone my entire life ...
The entire time I've been sick I've wanted to be that person -- the person who brings tears of joy to dry eyes, the person who makes people believe in happy endings and the body's astonishing ability to heal itself. I wanted to be that person so bad, perhaps even more than I wanted to merely do things that healthy people do. And to a certain extent I have become that person, or rather, I was that person and now I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. What happens when you are known for battling illness, then stop recovering?
One of the most memorable events in Serena’s life after she entered adulthood began by sliding down a set of stairs on a mattress. Children do this for fun, sure, but Serena was 18 — an adult — and by no means was she having fun. She was trying to see a doctor.
"When your own life is threatened, your sense of empathy is blunted by a terrible, selfish hunger for survival." - Yann Martel (Life of Pi) Lately I've been reflecting on the ups and downs of having a chronic illness -- in my case, two illnesses, myalgic encephalomyelitis (chronic fatigue syndrome) and Lyme disease. Mostly I've... Continue Reading →
It's been two weeks since my last blog post. Did you miss me? I sure missed you! I really did. I realize you may not have noticed my absence, which is fine but if you didn't, then: bye! Just joking, I'm sure most of you didn't notice I took a break, but writing this post... Continue Reading →